Actually no, I’m not “fine”

On the surface, you'd never know I have social anxiety. No one else can see the sheer terror I feel in the lead up to social events, the minutes before the Zoom switches on, the reasons behind my silence in meetings.

Honesty.

Welcome back, to those of you who read regularly and hi to new peeps! This post is a bit unusual for me in that it's a bit personal, and not unusual in that it's brutally honest. Looking over everything that's happened to me, that I've somehow survived, and yeah it does piss me off every …

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Battery low

I started to have a trauma response to the situation I found myself trapped in. I started becoming withdrawn, more irritable. My auditory hallucinations reappeared for the first time in a long time

Not well, one year on.

Roll back to December 20th 2018. I was not in a good way. I've said before that Christmas time is usually not the best time of year for me with my seasonal affective disorder and all but it wasn't just that. My proverbial stress bucket had well and truly overflowed. So many stresses going in …

History

As a bit of a follow on from my last post, and the part about my past, the last year has been, at least mental health wise, rather up and down. Anxiety isn't predictable as such, I can't tell if next Wednesday for example I'm going to have 'a bad anxiety day' far in advance …

Ok. Or?

Well last week I finally did it. I left my job. At the moment it's quite a difficult thing to adjust to but realistically was the only option. The people were amazing frankly, and were what kept me sane and hanging on for grim death for so long, but I just couldn't adapt and cope …

Coming home.

I'm starting to write this on a transpennine express train from Liverpool to York. Technically I'm still supposed to be in Budapest. From my last post you could probably tell that all was not really ok. In fact it did reach the point where the anxiety became so overwhelming that I felt I had to …