Actually no, I’m not “fine”

On the surface, you'd never know I have social anxiety. No one else can see the sheer terror I feel in the lead up to social events, the minutes before the Zoom switches on, the reasons behind my silence in meetings.

Something for a Wednesday.

So I guess I've learned a lot about myself in 2020 more than anything else. I've kind of been on a journey of self discovery and become more self aware

Letting go

So over the last two weeks I've had a lot to think about, a lot to consider after my last EMDR session in February. Yeah, the one that I wrote about at the very end of my last post. I think it was in the last week of February, and it appeared to, or at …

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Fibro anxiety… shattered

So it's been a couple weeks since I got diagnosed with both joint hypermobility and fibromyalgia, and my god, it hasn't been easy since then. Not just because of the reality of having two "bonus " illnesses to deal with either. I've had a fibro "flare" to deal with, which frankly, is fucking nasty. It's …

A few words

So it's been a while. A few things have happened. I have started (have had 3 sessions so far) some therapy for my undiagnosed PTSD, called EMDR. EMDR is eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, and from what I've been told by my therapist, and from what I've researched myself, is basically allowing the brain to …

Changing of the season

Rather a grand title isn't it. True though. It's now the middle of November and we're tiptoeing into the wintery, dark months. Unfortunately for me, and a lot of other people, that means usually one thing. Season affective disorder comes knocking. Mine decided to finally officially join the table a couple of weeks ago, after …

History

As a bit of a follow on from my last post, and the part about my past, the last year has been, at least mental health wise, rather up and down. Anxiety isn't predictable as such, I can't tell if next Wednesday for example I'm going to have 'a bad anxiety day' far in advance …

Calm.

So my last post about making progress. I've seemingly got a bit of a roll on. As I'm writing this bit of the post at 10pm ish on Tuesday 10th July, the past 5 days including today have been pretty much minimal or free of anxiety. Today has also potentially showed how far I've come …

Feeling like…

So sometimes my anxiety reaches a point where I call it 'in crisis!' today I feel that. Little stupid insignificant things just add up over time and a tiny tiny thing comment or incident can just push me over the edge. I feel like I can't cope. I feel significantly incompetent at work, I feel …