Actually no, I’m not “fine”

On the surface, you'd never know I have social anxiety. No one else can see the sheer terror I feel in the lead up to social events, the minutes before the Zoom switches on, the reasons behind my silence in meetings.

History

As a bit of a follow on from my last post, and the part about my past, the last year has been, at least mental health wise, rather up and down. Anxiety isn't predictable as such, I can't tell if next Wednesday for example I'm going to have 'a bad anxiety day' far in advance …

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Mental Health Awareness 2019

So it's "Mental Health Awareness week" 2019 . I've been quiet for a while for various reasons,including a distinct lack of motivation and inspiration to post or write a post. I mentioned previously that I'd started some counselling. The first lot of counselling I paid for, and although it wasn't CBT , it was really …

A letter to you…..

Ok so this is probably not what you would class as a normal blog post from me but I wanted to do something a little different this time, sort of like a letter (hence the title) to you, the person reading this, that I might have unknowingly upset or offended, that I didn't mean to …

Mood.

Burnout. Something that to be honest, isn't that well understood unless you or someone close has been like that. Personally, I didn't realise how badly I was burned out until I'd had to be signed off work. I was having distinct changes in mood, happy, sad, upset for no reason. I couldn't remember things I'd …

On holiday with anxiety.

Isn't it nice to go on holiday with someone? Well it is if that someone isn't your own thoughts. I'm currently on holiday flying solo in Budapest and good old anxiety is squeezing it's hand on my shoulder. It's worse because I'm alone in another country that I don't know, a language that I don't …

The anxiety roundabout

I think I've spoken before about how anxiety can affect me on a scale. Some days it's almost like it isn't there, and others, like just recently it can be bubbling away at the forefront of my concentration , or manifest into a full blown anxiety attack. There is another level, if you like which …

Not reet.

Well you can tell I'm Yorkshire by the title can't you!! In all seriousness, since I last posted, I have struggled. I went back to work but regretted going back and effectively diving in headfirst into what I'd been doing before in terms of workload. Yeah. Didn't entirely go well. Doesn't need much more saying …

Anxiety is an arsehole

Great title right? Anxiety is an arsehole. Anxiety is a fucknuggeting fuckface. It fucks with your brain, emotions, self confidence, self esteem, self belief, basically everything. It's a nasty bastard that seems to swoop down on you like an eagle spotting a fleeing mouse, bringing you down from 100 to 0 real quick in some …

Cycles are….

Bit of an odd title I know. I've spoken previously about how my anxiety and depression tends to go in cycles. Well today was not a good day. A bad cycle which probably started on Friday. I didn't particularly see it coming until it had already enveloped me. I just felt like I was being …