Actually no, I’m not “fine”

On the surface, you'd never know I have social anxiety. No one else can see the sheer terror I feel in the lead up to social events, the minutes before the Zoom switches on, the reasons behind my silence in meetings.

Honesty.

Welcome back, to those of you who read regularly and hi to new peeps! This post is a bit unusual for me in that it's a bit personal, and not unusual in that it's brutally honest. Looking over everything that's happened to me, that I've somehow survived, and yeah it does piss me off every …

Up and down

So being female sometimes really sucks. You're just strolling along the path of life, la di dah and BAM. INCOMING. Hormones. One minute you're okay then the next you're crying because you burned toast, then you're enraged because your jacket keeps falling off the hanger. So much fun eh? Monthly or in my case whenever …

Mental Health Awareness 2019

So it's "Mental Health Awareness week" 2019 . I've been quiet for a while for various reasons,including a distinct lack of motivation and inspiration to post or write a post. I mentioned previously that I'd started some counselling. The first lot of counselling I paid for, and although it wasn't CBT , it was really …

Changes

So in my last blog I spoke about not being happy where I was. At the moment, there's an almost emotional war going on inside myself wondering if I'm doing the right thing, doubting myself all the time , coming over really anxious. That said I have been thinking recently and realistically I haven't really …

The anxiety roundabout

I think I've spoken before about how anxiety can affect me on a scale. Some days it's almost like it isn't there, and others, like just recently it can be bubbling away at the forefront of my concentration , or manifest into a full blown anxiety attack. There is another level, if you like which …

Tears and tablets

So I'm here in the second week of tapering off my citalopram and next week I start sertraline. So far, frankly it's been hell on wheels. I feel an absolute fucking mess. My judgement is terrible, I can't sleep without medication at the moment, my moods are all over. I swing from okay to tears …

Calm.

So my last post about making progress. I've seemingly got a bit of a roll on. As I'm writing this bit of the post at 10pm ish on Tuesday 10th July, the past 5 days including today have been pretty much minimal or free of anxiety. Today has also potentially showed how far I've come …

Bad days.

So on my last post I wrote about how I'd made progress with my anxiety. Well today I had a setback or blip. Had a day where almost everything that could have gone wrong went wrong . I woke up feeling anxious and unfortunately I evidently catastrophised this and carried it through to the rest …

Mask.

Today I was told that I must be really strong and brave to keep getting up and coming to work even when I'm having a horrendous anxiety day. Truth is, I don't feel either of those things most of the time. I feel exhausted in the battle, like I need to adjust my 'mask' each …