Actually no, I’m not “fine”

On the surface, you'd never know I have social anxiety. No one else can see the sheer terror I feel in the lead up to social events, the minutes before the Zoom switches on, the reasons behind my silence in meetings.

Ah, you’re back. But you won’t beat me

I had written poetry before (as mentioned in previous posts) but I guess it was never this raw and personal. I found it really powerful.

Letting go

So over the last two weeks I've had a lot to think about, a lot to consider after my last EMDR session in February. Yeah, the one that I wrote about at the very end of my last post. I think it was in the last week of February, and it appeared to, or at …

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Fibro anxiety… shattered

So it's been a couple weeks since I got diagnosed with both joint hypermobility and fibromyalgia, and my god, it hasn't been easy since then. Not just because of the reality of having two "bonus " illnesses to deal with either. I've had a fibro "flare" to deal with, which frankly, is fucking nasty. It's …

Changing of the season

Rather a grand title isn't it. True though. It's now the middle of November and we're tiptoeing into the wintery, dark months. Unfortunately for me, and a lot of other people, that means usually one thing. Season affective disorder comes knocking. Mine decided to finally officially join the table a couple of weeks ago, after …

Hannover

So it's been a while since I last posted. Remember in around November when I embarked on solo travel abroad for the first time, and it pretty much all ended in tears? Or rather an anxiety induced meltdown caused by a combination of getting used to new medication, being in a completely different country , …

Bulb 💡

Been a while but I'm back again. Had an almost 'lightbulb' moment not long ago when I came across a Facebook post about something called "gaslighting". I don't know what made me read it but I had a sudden moment of realisation. Reading it, I realised this was likely what happened to me. That's kind …

Anxiety is an arsehole

Great title right? Anxiety is an arsehole. Anxiety is a fucknuggeting fuckface. It fucks with your brain, emotions, self confidence, self esteem, self belief, basically everything. It's a nasty bastard that seems to swoop down on you like an eagle spotting a fleeing mouse, bringing you down from 100 to 0 real quick in some …

Untitled

So this week I've attended my first wellbeing course session as referred by the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies service (IAPT) where I live. I made the sacrifice of an extra hour of sleep, at least for the next few weeks, so I can finish an hour early at work to make it to the …

Cycles are….

Bit of an odd title I know. I've spoken previously about how my anxiety and depression tends to go in cycles. Well today was not a good day. A bad cycle which probably started on Friday. I didn't particularly see it coming until it had already enveloped me. I just felt like I was being …