Exhausted

At the moment we’re only a few days from Christmas, should be a happy time right? Not for some of us unlucky sods.

At the moment, I’ve been signed off sick thanks to my old friend anxiety returning with a vengeance. On top of this I’ve been ill with what started as a chest infection and turned into a cold then a flu like illness. Which I now suspect to be burnout. Yesterday , after fighting for the past month or so, with being unhappy in what I was doing as a job, not caused by any one person, just the situation that had arisen and the fact I couldn’t handle the stress I was under and the stress and high expectations I had of myself, I cracked. I had what was basically a meltdown in my boss’s office and was honest with her. I’d got myself into such a state over everything and been so hard on myself and not realised what I was putting myself through, which culminated in yesterday, and my physical and mental exhaustion, plus brain fog, which if you’ve ever experienced it is awful – you can’t think clearly or concentrate. In hindsight I’ve been struggling with this for a while as I’ve been making uncharacteristic errors at work, and it all just came to a head yesterday. I was barely holding it together when I arrived at work yesterday but then I was asked “Are you alright?” And well.

At least everything I’d been holding inside is now out in the open, and now I can rest for a while and deal with it and move forward. I’ve been told I’m a tough cookie , definitely didn’t feel like it yesterday though.