Isn’t it nice to go on holiday with someone?
Well it is if that someone isn’t your own thoughts. I’m currently on holiday flying solo in Budapest and good old anxiety is squeezing it’s hand on my shoulder. It’s worse because I’m alone in another country that I don’t know, a language that I don’t speak well enough to communicate, plus while still getting used to sertraline. It is frankly like hell.
I can compare this feeling now to how I felt just before my anxiety diagnosis. Its intense, upsetting and making me want to run away and go home early, to the point of me actually looking at flights. It’s hard, really hard, and as a result I’m cutting down on what I was originally going to do just to keep the anxiety at a manageable level. Right now, I cannot express how much I hate anxiety and how scared I am to be like this so far from home. Ironic that the least anxious part was the airport and flying bit really. The weather isn’t helping either – it’s been constantly raining and cold since I got here and is forecast to stay like that until I leave… Like being back in the UK!
It’s taking an awful lot of strength and energy just for me to get out of my hotel room on a morning, to go down for breakfast then go out into this strange city , on my own. I think maybe I did this too soon – it’s only been around a month since starting sertraline and I’m still adjusting plus I think the dose will need increasing. Some people can just so this kind of thing no problem, well that’s awesome but I’m obviously not one of those people and I’m having to just do what I can to struggle through. I am trying to enjoy this holiday – it’s a break from work if nothing else, but in all honesty it’s an uphill battle at the moment. Hopefully by the time I fly back in about 3 days time things will have improved.