I think I’ve spoken before about how anxiety can affect me on a scale. Some days it’s almost like it isn’t there, and others, like just recently it can be bubbling away at the forefront of my concentration , or manifest into a full blown anxiety attack. There is another level, if you like which I’ve only hit a couple of times, where the anxiety is just constantly there at a high or even severe level and it feels like an anxiety attack is always around the corner.
This week has been rough. Had a difficult task to deal with at work all week which has been bothering me . Like it’s been failing which hasn’t been my fault but I’ve almost taken it personally. I suppose that’s anxiety lending a hand and making me doubt myself. My boss has been great though, reassurance that I’m doing everything I can. It’s good to know it’s not me.
I’m hopeful it’s just a week where anxiety has won a small battle but not the overall battle. It is fucking exhausting each and every day putting on the ‘I can do this ‘ face, the “I’m fine” face and the mask for every day. A few times it’s been close to slipping off but I’ve just held it together somehow. It’s physically and mentally a huge battle each day of the working week to appear fine. My tolerance for other shit is non existent afterwards. Most days I’m mentally exhausted. A few times this week I’ve been emotionally “done” but somehow I’ve kept fighting and kept going.
I don’t know how but I’ve done it , survived the week. I’m away on a nice little solo holiday to Budapest for a few days just to chill out and get away from it all, it’s come at just the right time I reckon. I’ve really felt the strain this week too, and to be honest I was done with this week on Tuesday! I’m always going to fight you anxiety because you’re a horrible shit and a fucker.