Calm.

So my last post about making progress.

I’ve seemingly got a bit of a roll on. As I’m writing this bit of the post at 10pm ish on Tuesday 10th July, the past 5 days including today have been pretty much minimal or free of anxiety. Today has also potentially showed how far I’ve come as I realised after leaving work that I’d left or lost my iPod there with no idea where it could be. Now normally this would mean entering full blown ‘omg what the fuck do I do/how will I cope without it in the train home and tomorrow morning/panic attack/serious anxiety’ because my iPod is usually like a comfort blanket for me when commuting and at work when I get stressed. Today was different. No panic, maybe a teensy bit of anxiety but I used the technique I’ve previously mentioned called DARE and it worked!! I thought how can I solve this? I solved it by knowing I had spare headphones, my phone has a bit of music on, also knowing that there’s nothing I can do about it now and I can have a look when I go back tomorrow. I also bought another one as I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford it and if I do find it, then great! If not then I can deal with it. I’m very proud of myself, even though it’s small steps at a time.

I’m enjoying this feeling of inner calm and lack of anxiety. I know it won’t last forever but I feel I’m going in the right direction with tackling my anxiety demons. Anxiety can’t hurt me like it has before.

Something else now. Remember me a few posts back briefly mentioning one of my other issues – polycystic ovaries aka PCOS? Well this lovely hormonal whirlwind makes my periods hilariously erratic and when I do get them, the moods that PCOS causes in terms or PMT are….ahem…… Interesting shall we say. I know most women get PMT in one form or another and everyone is different, so here’s my experience – so usually I get a few mood swings where I feel sad, upset, angry or irritated for no real reason in particular. In turn this means that sneaky fucker anxiety does it’s best to sneak in and cause it’s own shitstorm. Other ‘fun’ with PCOS is being prone to depression and …. yep you guessed it – anxiety. Also hilariously every month I get this pain where it feels like someone is stabbing me down below and in the ovaries, so much fun. Also the chin and neck hair caused by the hormonal imbalance delightfully packaged with PCOS is a little more under control thanks to lowered stress levels and use of an epilator, meaning I only have to do it approximately once a month instead of twice a week.

As ever my main message is always that please please if you feel like shit on a regular basis, talk to someone – your mates, family, boss, lecturer whatever, don’t keep it to yourself. It’s no shame to ask for help, in fact it’s a really difficult and brave thing to do. I promise you it will get better.

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