Actually no, I’m not “fine”

On the surface, you'd never know I have social anxiety. No one else can see the sheer terror I feel in the lead up to social events, the minutes before the Zoom switches on, the reasons behind my silence in meetings.

Honesty.

Welcome back, to those of you who read regularly and hi to new peeps! This post is a bit unusual for me in that it's a bit personal, and not unusual in that it's brutally honest. Looking over everything that's happened to me, that I've somehow survived, and yeah it does piss me off every …

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Ah, you’re back. But you won’t beat me

I had written poetry before (as mentioned in previous posts) but I guess it was never this raw and personal. I found it really powerful.

Battery low

I started to have a trauma response to the situation I found myself trapped in. I started becoming withdrawn, more irritable. My auditory hallucinations reappeared for the first time in a long time

New year, but not a new me

I appreciate I've been a little... Inconsistent posting just lately. A few reasons lie behind that, mostly work and other stuff , time running away with me, and most chiefly, not really having motivation to write anything. So, we're now in 2021. None of that new year new me BS though. At least, not from …

Something for a Wednesday.

So I guess I've learned a lot about myself in 2020 more than anything else. I've kind of been on a journey of self discovery and become more self aware

Letter of love/hate

Fibro fibro fibro. Alas I thought you had gone on a lockdown jolly, bogged off to a land of the far East bedroom. Nope. Today you came back. Arrived mid night with deep seated vengeance, and combined yourself with periods, polycystic ovaries and suspected chest infection. God I love you fibromyalgia. Love to hate you …

Letting go

So over the last two weeks I've had a lot to think about, a lot to consider after my last EMDR session in February. Yeah, the one that I wrote about at the very end of my last post. I think it was in the last week of February, and it appeared to, or at …

Fibro anxiety… shattered

So it's been a couple weeks since I got diagnosed with both joint hypermobility and fibromyalgia, and my god, it hasn't been easy since then. Not just because of the reality of having two "bonus " illnesses to deal with either. I've had a fibro "flare" to deal with, which frankly, is fucking nasty. It's …

A few words

So it's been a while. A few things have happened. I have started (have had 3 sessions so far) some therapy for my undiagnosed PTSD, called EMDR. EMDR is eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, and from what I've been told by my therapist, and from what I've researched myself, is basically allowing the brain to …